Trust is the most important part of a marriage and keeping secrets from your husband is a betrayal of his trust in you. Secrets usually begin with a feeling of fear, guilt or shame regarding something you have done. This may be as simple as spending too much money on a dress to being as complicated as infidelity. You may believe that your secret is safe but please be aware that it is best to be honest with your husband as soon as possible. If your secret is revealed to him by an outside source, then the repercussions can be more profound. The longer you hide what you have done is the more hurt your spouse may be when the truth comes to light. You may believe that taking a secret with you to your grave is easy but this may be a mental stress that may wear you down. You also run the risk of revealing your secret if you and your husband have a disagreement. The following are some effects that secrets may have on marriages.
Dishonesty With Your Spouse
Secrets also affect how you relate to your husband. You may have to lie or take action to cover up what you have done. This may make it easier for your secret to be revealed as the situation becomes more complicated. If your husband is able to discover your secret at this point, the damage to his trust may be more severe. Aside from the possibility of your husband discovering what you have done, you are now in a disingenuous relationship. The morality of your actions are wrong and having gotten away with your actions you may feel that you should attempt to deceive your husband again. This is akin to getting a rush as you flirt with danger or live on the edge so to speak. Unfortunately, many affairs begin this way as some women, who believe their marriage is boring, seek adventure. The mature thing to do is to tell your husband and seek counseling before this occurs. If your secret involves a financial mistake, you may run the risk of making the problem worse by making another mistake. Admit your mistake and seek advice from your husband on how to proceed. You may find that he has knowledge or resources that may be of help to you.
Breakdown of Communication
As you are trying to keep your secret from your husband, it is natural to shy away from any discussion which you think may threaten your secret. This will impact your communication with your husband and may cause a lot stress in your relationship. You may also be so worried about keeping your secret that you forget to pass on useful information to your husband. You may usually be on the ball with what’s happening and what needs to be done. But keeping a secret can affect this. Your husband will not notice immediately but he may become suspicious. This could lead to uncomfortable questions from your spouse which you will not be able to answer to his satisfaction. A good marriage needs open and honest communication between spouses.
Distrust and Paranoia
When keeping a secret, it also make you believe that your husband is also keeping a secret from you. You will think that the “story” you have given him is too flimsy and he may question it. When he simply accepts it, and this is not what you expected so, paranoia may set in. You begin to believe that he must be up to something for him not to notice that your behaviour is odd. You may also feel validated to keep your secret as you believe he is keeping secrets too. As you are feeling betrayed, this may influence your decisions and further damage your marriage. If your husband trusts you, he will give you the benefit of the doubt so keep this in mind.
As a wise wife, it is in your best interest not to keep your husband in the dark. If you have unmet expectations or you have erred in your judgment, you should trust in your husband. Being honest in your marriage is vital for future growth and happiness. Pick up a free copy of The Wise Wife Manifesto to learn more. Get in touch to schedule a one-to-one appointment.
