Are you making life with your husband more difficult than it should be? This is not to say that your spouse is doing everything he should, but what part do you play? Fighting with your husband to change his habits is counterproductive if you do not make some changes yourself. Change is easier when you accept the need for it. You can encourage him by leading the way in doing things differently. Let’s look at some bad behaviour habits that wives need to stop doing for the sake of their marriage.
Not Prioritizing Your Husband
Where does spending time with your husband fall on your to-do list? Do you find that you only spend time with him at home? Just as you make a movie or lunch date with your family members and friends, and taking care of your pet, you should spend time with your spouse. It is very tempting to ditch your husband’s boring event for going shopping with your friends. But how would you feel if he did this to you? Your days are not likely to get less challenging with work and kids to manage. However, you must prioritize your spouse in your routine. Some women make the mistake of putting their children above their husband. While this has to be done at times, it should not be the norm. Your child is looking to you for guidance and will learn from what you do. Putting your husband’s needs into focus sometimes can show how to help develop a better relationship between a husband and wife to your children. You will also have more agreement around how you approach parenting. So I encourage you to stop putting others ahead of him all the time.
It is well within your right to expect your husband to carry his share and do his part in making your marriage the best it can be. However, he cannot be expected to know what you are thinking or how you are feeling. You also should not expect your husband to be your girlfriend. Men and women typically have different ways to communicate and are interested in different things. Do not barrage your spouse with every detail about what you were doing because they do not find it entertaining. If your husband zones you out while you are speaking to him, you may be giving too much information. Appreciate the things he does bring to the relationship and the ways he complements you. Your husband is not a woman so stop treating him like one.
Keeping a diary, whether mental or physical, of your husband’s failings and bringing them up in conversation may be hurting your relationship. It most certainly will not be helpful, as you will have him walking on eggshells around you. How would you feel if your spouse wrote down everything you said or did and constantly reminded you of it? Unless you are being abused, you should have no need to chronicle his mistakes. It may be difficult but you should put yourself in his position and be wary of stomping on his feelings. Stop making the past a hindrance to your present situation. The best thing is to address any issues you have, with the intention of resolving it, not hurting his feeling or winning an argument.
Are you so insecure in your relationship with your husband that you monitor and critique his interaction with other women? If your spouse is not leering at, making sexual remarks or prepositioning other women, then you have no grounds to accuse him on. Your husband talking and smiling with a female co-worker is not something to be jealous about. Trust in your husband’s love for you. I know many women say, “Norva I trust my husband it’s the women I don’t trust.” You need to check to see if you are really sending that message to your spouse. What he may be receiving is that you have a problem with him and every woman he speaks to. Remove as much negative emotion from your life as possible if you wish to have a happy marriage.
It may seem like a good idea to use sex to get your husband to comply with your desires but this is never a good thing. Physical intimacy is a need of the average man that’s the way he was made up. You should never make a habit of witholding sex to get your own way. Yes, your husband should be considerate of you and your needs but you should also be considerate of his. After all the male and female anatomy are very different in their design, function and care. Neglecting your husband in this area is literally asking for trouble to enter your marriage. So I would suggest that you stop using sex as a weapon.
This list is by no means exhausted. So please feel free to comment on other changes you have made in your own personal journey. For more information on improving your marriage, get your free copy of The Wise Wife Manifesto. You can also feel free to get in touch if you are in need of marital support; be it as an individual or for both you and your spouse together.