Regardless of how much you have in common with your husband, there will always be situations or discussions that will cause conflict. If you embrace this reality, you can use this to your advantage and attain greater compatibility with him. Here are a few suggestions aimed at improving how you as a couple can resolve and reduce the strife in your lives.
Be Loving In Your Approach
If you are going to argue with your spouse, try to keep your negative emotions in check. Do not use offensive words or actions. These include using negative phrases such as “You always” or “You never”. These implicit declarations are rarely true. You should also refrain from name calling, finger pointing and any abrasive contact. These have the adverse effect of putting your husband in a defensive mode where he feels hurt and or bullied. If you have something to say that may cause conflict, it is best to do this while looking him in the eye and expressing how you feel about what he has done or not done. Always put some thought into the “why” of a problem before bringing it to your spouse. This can give you an idea of things from his perspective. This may help you to better understand your husband. It may give you clues on how you can both overcome the hurdle.
Do Not Run Away From A Problem
If you or your husband is reluctant to have a discussion about whatever is troubling in your relationship, then it is okay to put it off for another time. This should be a decision agreed upon by the both of you and a date and time for the conversation should be set. After this agreement, it is important to keep this appointment and give it the attention that it deserves.
Be Willing To Compromise
While you should never compromise your values, you must be willing to make other compromises with your spouse when it comes to conflict resolution. If your husband forgets to do something in a rush, then it may be easier to forgive him and do it yourself than to argue about it. This is not to say that you let yourself be walked over like a rug. You can choose which battles are worth fighting over. As wonderful as you are, there are bound to be little things that you do that your husband does not like, but he accepts. Compromise is a battle of acceptance. If your husband can do it, then certainly you can as well.
Do Not Hold Grudges Against Your Husband
Unresolved issues may lead you to hold a grudge against your husband. Always focus on taking care of problems and do not let them fester. Holding a grudge will only damage the relationship and cause you to distrust or detest your spouse. If you are unable to achieve a mutual resolution to a problem, then you should consider getting help from a relationship coach or counselor.
Do Not Dredge Up The Past
No one likes to be reminded of past failings and your husband is no exception. It is best to focus on the issue at hand and not bring up past problems to cloud or diminish the present. The past should only be used as a way to learn what has or hasn’t worked and why. Keep your current goal firmly set and do not allow the discussion to deviate and break down.
Do Not Try To Read Your Husband’s Mind
Assuming that you know what your husband is thinking or the reason for his behaviour is a bad habit. This may cause more conflict. Ask your spouse to clarify anything that you are not certain of because you may not have all the facts. If he is resistant to your requests, then you should ask him to tell you in his own time. This will leave an impression that the matter is important to you and will allow you to mention this topic again without any ill feeling.
Be Gracious in Defeat
There will be arguments that you do not win. You should accept this because you expect your husband to accept when he is wrong. Holding onto an argument and seeking a way to turn it to your favour will upset and alienate your husband. This isn’t something that you should want to do. There are even some arguments that will become trivial. Losing these types of arguments may make your relationship stronger.
You can have a happy and healthy relationship if you are willing to learn and grow from conflicts that are inevitable, but not irredeemable. Please feel free to comment your thoughts and experience on this topic in the comments section. They are always welcome.
