Marriage comes with many challenges that you have to face head-on and either beat or find a way to live with. Your husband’s friends may just be one of those things. It may be that you believe his friends do not like you or that you do not fit in when he is with them or you think that they are a bad influence on him. If you get along with your husband’s friends, well then that is great. If you’re having some issues, then here are a few suggestions that you may find helpful.
Engage In Group Activities
While it may be possible that his friends are not right for him, you must first commit to knowing his friends better before you say so with confidence. There must be a good reason that the person you have chosen to share your life with has such friends. So you should make an effort to get to know them better. You can suggest a group outing to something your husband enjoys, for example, bowling or paintball. While you may choose to be the cheering squad and not participate, it will give you a chance to see how his friends are in a comfortable environment. You can use this opportunity to ask subtle questions which can tell you more about their personality. Try not to “rain on the parade”, so to speak, but let them have their fun as long as it isn’t anything that will get you all into trouble. The more you hang out with your spouse and his friends will enable you to learn more and more about what type of people they are and what type of effect they have on him. It may be that they are lacking in social graces but genuinely love and support your husband and wish him well. If this is the case, then maybe you should try to embrace these people who want the same thing for your spouse as you do. If you find them to be a negative influence, then you are now armed with information which you can present to your husband as first-hand knowledge.
At Home with Your Husband and His Friends
You can open your home to group gatherings and activities, for example, a Poker Night or a Game Day to watch a sporting event. Put a room aside for the boys and let them know that they won’t be disturbed so they can just enjoy themselves. You can order pizza or pop in with beverages from time to time which may get you “great wife” points, but you should just let them have fun. This way your husband gets his time with his friends and you get to limit his friends influence while looking like a “cool wife”. You can get your husband to help with the cleanup which he may be more willing to do after hanging out with his pals.
Guy’s Night Out
As much as your husband loves you, you should not keep him all to yourself. Having an occasional Guy’s Night Out can be a good thing for your marriage as your spouse gets some “bro” time. If you have any major concerns, have a conversation with your husband before he goes. Let him know how excited you are that he’s going out with his friends but also lovingly share with him about the things that make you a bit worried. Now you just have the trust that you both are on the same page and observe to see just how much your husband has taken what you have said on board. You’ll quickly get your answer depending on what kind of condition he is in, on his return home. You could ask him to be home by a certain time and not to have more than a few beers and see how he is with this. If the Guy’s Night Out does not impact your relationship and you don’t have any reason to suspect that your husband is being led astray, then this could be the answer to your problems. Your husband would get to spend time with his friends which will make him happy and you won’t have to spend any time with his friends which would be fine with you.
If you are certain that your husband’s friends are not good for him, then you must have an open and frank conversation with him about this. When you do this you may want to make the discussion more about the negative impact his friends have had than their characteristics which he may want to defend because they are his friends. Do not directly attack them, but more speak about what problems they have caused or may cause and the effect this will have on both your lives. The Wise Wife Manifesto is a great resource for other ways that you can improve your married life so make sure you download your copy today. Thank you for reading. Please feel free to comment your thoughts and experiences below.