The term “Honeymoon Phase” was invented based on the reality that many married couples face during the course of their relationship. After the initial electric spark of love at first sight, beginning to date, beginning to live together or beginning married life together, the relationship can appear to burn out.
Whether it’s from not spending enough time together or from changing personalities, the loss of excitement in a relationship – the end of that first phase of romantic bliss- can usually be felt by both people. The good news is that if that does happen, it only takes a few simple acts initiated by one person to have both torches burning brightly for each other again. Below are a list of a few of the things you can try to spice up a boring relationship or save a dying one.
- Send sexy texts to your husband during the day.
If you’re worried that your husband isn’t thinking about you during the day, one way to keep yourself in his thoughts is to send him a naughty text message telling him all the things you’d like to do to please him when he gets home. Sending sexy snaps of yourself in lingerie is the next level of this approach but comes with the risk of the images being viewed by the wrong persons if your privacy is breached. Either way, it should be a welcome distraction from the stress or humdrum of work and will have him counting the minutes till he can get home.
- Ask how his day was – and don’t interrupt while he answers, be genuinely interested.
While you may be genuinely interested in his day, it’s easy to interrupt when something he says reminds you of something from your day. Force yourself to listen intently till he is finished and provide some feedback that shows you were really paying attention. This will make him feel like you’ve missed him and the information about how he spent your time apart can make him truly interesting to you again while helping you to understand the way he behaves at home.
- Find a genuine reason to compliment him 3 times a day
People enjoy being appreciated for their finer qualities. Show him that you never forget or stop noticing what a great person you married by praising him for some of them on a daily basis. It doesn’t have to be anything big, you can tell him something as simple as how great his smile is. Just be sure to make it a sincere compliment. It will have a stronger impact if it’s something that relates directly to the moment in which it is said.
- Remember why you married him and lovingly let him know you remember
Things may be different between the two of you because you’ve been treating him differently. Try to remember why it was that you fell in love with him and how you felt when you were getting married. If you have a video of your wedding, watching that together can be a good way to remind both of you why you got married.
- Talk to him about his interests
If you’re wondering why you two never talk anymore, a good conversation starter would be a topic of his interest. You probably know what his interests are, spend a little time researching the latest news about that topic so you can have something new to say about it to him. Telling him new information about something he is interested in will make you more interesting.
- Allow him time with the boys
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder. You don’t need to separate for a year to achieve some of that longing you get when you miss each other. Encourage him to spend some time with his friends more often. If this isn’t something you would normally do, it will surprise and impress him. Spending that guilt free time apart will leave him feeling socially fulfilled. In addition to that, spending time with a bunch of other men will make it easier for him to notice and appreciate the difference in your feminine company.
- Initiate affectionate physical contact
There’s a growing body of research that provides evidence to some psychologist’s claims that momentary touches can communicate more emotions than expressions or gestures. Blindfolded subjects in a series of experiments conducted at DePauw University in Indiana back in 2009, were reported to interpret 8 distinct emotions from the touch of strangers with up to 70 percent accuracy. Give him a loving touch today, the evidence strongly suggests that it can lead to a clear and almost immediate change in how he thinks and behaves.
- Make time for him when he gets home from work – get off social media or the phone
Scientific studies have drawn a direct relationship between the use of smartphones and a decrease in verbal communication and a worsening of the relationship between people who use it to communicate frequently. When your husband gets home from work, set aside an hour or two where you strictly abstain for using the computer or your phone to just talk to him and give him your full attention.
- Be the 1st to break an impasse
When a couple has an argument, the truth is, nobody wins. Even if one person thinks they do, you’re both on the same team so it’s still a partial loss. The “loser” will probably walk away seething and the residual anger can lead to another fight later. Whichever side of the team you’re on, when this leads to a period where there is a break in communication. Try to be the first to open the lines of communication again. A simple way to start is by talking about safe topics like, what he would like to eat for breakfast or dinner.
- Celebrate his successes
Chances are you married your husband because apart from loving him, you thought he would make a successful, capable or at the very least responsible partner in life. It is easy to forget to thank or congratulate someone when they do what you expect from them but the positive sanctions of either can have a great positive effect on your relationship. People tend to feel less angry when they are criticized for failure when they are equally praised for success. The next time he accomplishes something at work or fixes something in the house that you’ve been asking him to fix for a while, sincerely commend him. It can be as simple as a high five, just let him know you’re proud of him.
- Encourage him when he’s feeling low
It is equally as important as celebrating his success to encourage him when he’s failed. You don’t have to lie, avoid acknowledging that he made a mistake or didn’t quite achieve what he set out to. The key thing is that the acknowledgement should come within a statement in which you let him know that you know and believe that he is capable of achieving it. Also let him know that you understand that he’s human and we all make mistakes but that it does not change your esteem for him.
- Arrange a date night
Try schedule a regular and non negotiable date night. On that night you should leave the kids and home and try to go somewhere nice that requires you to dress up and put your best assets on display. If you are a laid back couple, going somewhere simple or low key like a bar or the park is fine as well. The key is just ensuring to spend time together – alone – because it is a necessary part of relationship building and maintenance.
- Don’t hassle him about the toilet seat
Maybe the annoying thing he does is not necessarily leaving the toilet seat up, the point is that you should find more constructive ways to deal with issues than complaining. You can either just accept that he has a habit that isn’t going to change and work with it, like just putting down the lid of the toilet seat when you want to use it without mentioning it to him. On the other hand, if you two are good at communicating you can just continue to remind him of what you would prefer for him to do and try to do so without allowing the annoyance or impatience to color the tone of your voice.
Resource articles:
http://www.babble.com/relationships/12-ways-to-get-the-spark-back-in-your-marriage/
http://www.cbn.com/family/marriage/Burns-make-your-spouse-feel-special.aspx
